For years, the people around me created a religious deity which they imposed onto me, forcing me to wear a mask that affirms the existence of that deity. Often times, I wasn’t even aware that this deity “existed” in their perception. I began to internalize their delusions about who I was, and this hurt me, badly. People often impose their realities onto each other. This fucked up phenomenon is the one we explore today.
It may have begun as far back as second grade, when I was diagnosed with ADHD. People do not truly know what ADHD is, but they will form conceptions and images about what such a diagnosis entails. Since my mother and peers do not have expertise in comprehending the concept of ADHD like a psychologist would, they will form uninformed perspectives of who I am and what ADHD means for me. As I walked through life, people would teach me how to see myself, without really trying to. They would see me as existing with ADHD and then form some system of beliefs about me and treat me in ways that aligned with their created belief system. This had brainwashed me to believe in the same systems as they do. Neither of us realized it was happening, until more recently in my life when I escaped those systems.
The ADHD diagnosis is not really the story I came here to tell you today. My story exists in the aftermath of my brainwashing. As I entered foster care, faced family traumas, and escaped hell to live with my grandmother, new layers of imposed realities accumulated, defining my connection to destiny. My future became increasingly prescribed by the feedback loops between those who formed belief systems about me, my reaction to those belief systems, and their reaction to my reaction to those belief systems. It is like two mirrors facing each other, like belief pong, like a game of telephone about who I was. A deity began to replace my existence. Some theoretical concept of my identity started to take life, living in my shoes, telling me what to do, where to go, and how doomed I was. Not only did I “have ADHD” but now I’ve acquired the identity of victimhood. An unfairly lived life lowered the standards for how others defined success for me. Pity and low expectations from those around me were imposing beliefs about my life onto me that created self-fulfilling prophecies, leniency, freedom, and an easy out for mistakes that I made. It was understandable that I would fuck up.
My ex-girlfriend and my family had low expectations of me, and this damaged me in some ways, though I do think there were benefits too. The damage was to my self-perception. I assumed that I would fail. I was even taught and told that I would fail. The times where I rejected this notion, there was pushback from those around me. They wanted me to believe that I was doomed. That it was irrational for me to pursue more grandiose life goals. This may even be tied to why my ex left me, though that is something I never got closure on. She told me that I would fail university and repeat the patterns of the past. In my mind, the negativity from those around me was dragging me into the abyss. It wasn’t just their beliefs, but how this caused them to treat me when I deviated from their fantasy realities about my life.
As I attended university, I left behind all of my social networks that were poisoning my soul. I moved away, 5 hours north of these problems. Instead of failing in university, I nearly got straight A grades. I graduated with honors. I proved their religion of who I was wrong. Resentment accumulated and I began to avoid my ex and feel a strong anger and urge for revenge toward those who poisoned me. The escape from toxic social dynamics freed me and allowed me to blossom. For nearly a decade, I was imprisoned by their belief systems.
This made me realize that others are inevitably trapped under similar kinds of false beliefs. Society itself is like a massive system of religious beliefs about people’s identities. The archetypes that exist in media and circulate culture are like templates for these belief systems. We are taught how people work by television, our parents, and most unnervingly, mental health professionals. Society is a machine of self-fulfilling prophecies. I speak about this to help people become aware of the religions that control their lives. These insidious and highly believable narratives confine us to our “destinies”.
After learning this disgusting truth, I reacted with disgusting strategies. My behavior evolved and adapted. I had to brainwash other people to believe in a deity that facilitates my ultimate goals in life. This disturbs me. In order to protect myself, I had to impose beliefs about who I am onto other people, so that they wouldn’t try to poison me with their beliefs. These deities are our personas.
Our realities are being engineered by our beliefs which we are so often indoctrinated to believe in. Remain skeptical of your beliefs and notice when you are limiting your potential by believing in some toxically humble perception of yourself. Notice when you are poisoning other people with your “realism”. Realism is a religion that guides people to believe that they can prophesize about the future. They believe in a reality where the unseeable can be seen with intuition that is labeled as logic or reason.
We can never truly escape the systems of beliefs that are creating society. Or perhaps I’ve just imposed a presumptuous reality in that last statement. In either case, our souls are being indoctrinated to us.
Avoid these traps if you can. Free yourself from the confines of your mental prisons. Let your self-fulfilling prophecies guide you to a life that you want, rather than one that is prescribed to you.
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Check out the book I just finished, The Psychonet. It explores many ideas from this blog and is designed to make you feel alive, emotional, and maybe terrified. It uses AI art and depicts a story about AI.